SACRED LOVE: A JOURNEY OF SINGLENESS, BELONGING, AND FINDING TRUE LOVE
By Claudia Cantrell with Kim P. Davis
Background
Throughout my life, I struggled with insecurity and poor self-esteem. Heartbroken, lonely, and depressed were the words that best described me. Rejection and bullying started in grammar school and continued throughout middle school. I was an overweight and ugly little girl and not only did my peers make sure I knew that, but my mother did as well. She was gorgeous and had a perfect figure. She often modeled for the nicest and most affluent women's store in my hometown. In addition, how could I forget that she had been told that she was the prettiest girl in her hometown too? The beauty queen had an ugly duckling child. She did tell me she was proud of me on occasion. It was after I had lost weight or brought home excellent grades.
Let's fast forward to my adulthood. To know me outwardly, I appeared to be a successful, independent, and confident career woman. Others thought "I had the world by the tail!" Not at all. Because I wanted to hide my hurt and pain, I became an incredible actress and probably could have won an academy award.
Since I saw everything through the lens of rejection, I decided early that I would build a wall of protection around myself. No one was going to hurt me any longer. Of course, that wall caused me to become more lonely and isolated. I was unknowingly sabotaging myself since my deepest desire was to be accepted, loved unconditionally, and to belong.
I had accepted Christ as my Savior at the age of 9, but my deeply personal relationship with Him was lacking. I did not believe God loved me and accepted me unconditionally. After all, how could he love me and accept me like that when it appeared no one else did? I questioned why he had created me. So let's be clear. The lie I believed for decades was that I was not enough. This belief propagated my striving to "be enough" by whatever the world deemed important. Then, I would be valued by others and God. Maybe then God would love and accept me unconditionally. This relentless striving and doing led me to exhaustion, anger, bitterness, depression, and severe anxiety. At one point, I recall driving down the interstate and wondering if I had the nerve to hit a pole at a high speed to end my life. I was the victim of emotional wounding like many of you.
My book, Sacred Love; A Journey of Singleness, Belonging, and Finding True Love, details my journey of moving from the wounded victim to the victor. In 2007, God brought me to my knees and took me through the most excruciating experience in my life, brokenness. During the years that followed, I began to see through the lens of truth, not rejection. I was forced to see not only the truth about myself but also the truth about God. I had to decide who was going to be in control, me or God. Was life going to continue to be "all about me" or was life going to be "all about God and his plan for me?" You might be working through this decision yourself. My story includes some tough times, but it ends up great and when you finish it, you will have hope.
During those years of living in the desert called brokenness, I came face-to-face with the question of whether or not I would abandon my faith in God and my belief in his goodness and love. It was my personal crisis of faith that you can read more about by clicking on the link.
Claudia Cantrell was a successful, independent career woman who was also lonely, single, and heartbroken. Now, she is a successful, independent career woman and one who lives life abundantly in Christ. Her extraordinary journey of victory is shared in her memoir, Sacred Love.
Working on a medical mission trip, God surprised Claudia with another gift—a family. After 54 years of singleness, Claudia married David and became stepmother to Katie. Claudia also enjoys interior design, speaking to women’s groups, traveling, and baking. She and her family now live in Kennesaw, Georgia.
Kim P. Davis is an author, ghostwriter, and editor who has written or edited books such as Voices of the Faithful, My Life His Mission, Both Feet In, A Thousand Times Yes, and others. As a graduate of the University of Georgia, she has used her journalism degree to write literally throughout the world, since she and her husband served 13 years as missionaries with the International Mission Board.